Is my relationship healthy?
Have you ever found it challenging to determine whether your relationships are truly healthy? Many of the clients I work with struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, making it difficult for them to identify what they genuinely want and need in a relationship. Often, they aren't sure what the red flags are or what healthy, green flags should look like. To help clarify these distinctions, I’ve put together a (non-comprehensive) list of some of the most commonly discussed traits that signal either a healthy or unhealthy relationship.
Red Flags in Relationships
Lack of Time: If your partner consistently doesn’t make time for you, it can indicate a lack of priority or interest in the relationship.
Inconsistent Words and Actions: When someone’s actions don’t align with their words, especially in affirming their feelings, it creates mistrust and uncertainty.
Incompatibility: Being too different in values, outlook on life, or engaging in negative self-talk can lead to friction and misalignment in the relationship.
Lack of Acceptance: A partner who is judgmental, unsupportive, or dismissive of your feelings can make you feel unaccepted and undervalued.
Poor Communication: Difficulty in discussing feelings, avoiding difficult topics, and a lack of active listening or compromise are signs of weak communication, which is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Feeling Unsafe to Express Needs: If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe asking for what you need, it may indicate an imbalance in the relationship dynamics.
Avoidance of Accountability: A partner who justifies bad behavior or refuses to take responsibility can perpetuate unhealthy patterns and harm the relationship.
Crossing Boundaries: Disrespecting personal boundaries or manipulating situations for personal gain is a serious red flag.
Dependence on Substances: Needing substances to feel confident or come out of their shell can point to deeper issues and impact the relationship negatively.
Anger Toward Emotions: If your partner reacts with anger when you express your emotions, it can stifle open communication and emotional connection.
Disrespect and Manipulation: Any form of disrespect or manipulation undermines trust and equality in the relationship.
Green Flags in Relationships
Prioritization: A partner who consistently makes time for you, returns calls/texts, and initiates plans demonstrates that they value and prioritize the relationship.
Consistency: When a partner’s actions align with their words, especially in the present, it builds trust and reliability. Acts of service are a tangible expression of this consistency.
Shared Interests and Positive Outlook: Enjoying similar activities, having a similar outlook on life, and engaging in positive self-talk can strengthen the connection and shared experiences.
Acceptance and Support: A partner who accepts you as you are, offers compliments, supports your goals, and celebrates your achievements fosters a nurturing and affirming environment.
Effective Communication: Good communication involves active listening, feeling heard, collaborating on decisions, and being upfront about feelings, which are essential for a healthy relationship.
Safety in Expressing Needs: Feeling safe enough to express your needs, even if your partner doesn’t fully understand or agree, shows a strong foundation of trust and respect. This includes learning and respecting each other's love languages.
Accountability: A partner who can apologize, take responsibility for their actions, and make necessary changes demonstrates maturity and commitment to the relationship.
Respect for Boundaries: Honoring personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining respect and individual autonomy within the relationship.
Authenticity: A partner who is comfortable being themselves without relying on substances shows confidence and authenticity.
Emotional Support: Being able to sit with and support you through difficult emotions without judgment strengthens emotional intimacy and connection.
If you find yourself resonating with any of these points and want to work on cultivating healthier relationships in your life, please don't hesitate to reach out for support. Together, we can explore these dynamics further and help you build the strong, fulfilling connections you deserve.
